you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
