Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
