is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
