You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
