i don't like sucking hair
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
