Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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