the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
