So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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