I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just gift wrapped bread.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
