i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize