I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize