but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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