i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
