her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
