I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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