On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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