Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There r osticjed everywhere
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
