Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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