If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
