who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize