I'm really into asian looking animals
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
