absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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