I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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