Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
