I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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