My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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