how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
