You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
