dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
