I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
