i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
