Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
