Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
