Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
