eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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