So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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