Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
