btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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