toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize