maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
