you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
