We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize