I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
