For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
