If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We were destined to go to rehab together
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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