I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize