He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
