this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
