We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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