oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Randomize
