I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
