i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I need water and some morals
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
