also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
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