I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
