i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Shame is for Republicans.
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