They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
