We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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