I haven't been this sober since birth.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
