My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
