I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
