we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
