the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
