but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
