there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
