the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
