Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
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