i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize