I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
