where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize