remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
