I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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